She finally decided to take the initiative to talk to me. She wanted to show me a new song she was working on. I told her my feelings on it.
The only reason she did it, was because I’m the only person she’s comfortable enough to share it with.
After talking to her. Telling her everything she’s put me through. How she’s basically doing it to the new guy. More arguments. More explanations on why I can’t sleep and even questions I conjure up from being up so long.
It hurts me.
I still have to get over her.
I thought I was okay with that. I will be okay with that.
But for some reason. As I sit here. Alone. Her songs come on. Then songs I showed her, secretly showing my feelings for her with them comes on.
Then her new song comes along.
I’m crying more tears , than my man tears from Toy Story 3.
Looking at an IM before I close it, I read “k try to take it easy and get some rest”,
it starts to slow down but its still here.
Drama…something not for me. A little dramatic, self loathing, immature, spastic, over thinking, and stupid asian.
Out of nowhere. I feel like I’m starting to feel better. I went through this crazy depression ever since they day she said no. It was small and slow but it still bothered me. Then I reached that dropping point. When we fought and she told me to get over her. How what we do wasn’t helping. I assume because she liked her neighbor and she can’t be with someone if I like her. So she doesn’t “hurt me” or he doesn’t “assume anything” like her last boyfriend did. Constantly he assumed we were hooking up. That bothered her. As well as me being constantly jealous of him and never truly protecting her from him because I liked her. She said she just wants a friend and she has us visioned a certain way. So she said no more talking, no more one on one hang outs, no more flirting, no more anything.
She admitted it. She was flirting back with me. She was teasing me. Misleading me. Confusing me. The thing I hate most about girls, she did to me.
Well she got what she wanted. I’m ignoring her, but with constant thoughts about her. I haven’t seen her or anyone related to her so thats makes me lose all my friends. So then I became lonely.
Thats why I have other friends. I’m grateful now I became friends with them. They hated them, but I like people for who they are. Not because your friend hangs out with them. They take me out to have fun and I’m glad they did.
Finally. A new girl. This girl I was always having some feelings for. Growing, and I realized by the end of the year. I think I actually like her. Then I realized I’m a teenage boy with raging hormones so I ignored it. But with they way she acted I thought she felt the same. So I saw her yesterday. We talked about our feelings out of no where and she did feel the same. She was embarrassed to admit it at first but she did. We both had feelings for each other we shouldn’t have. She was with someone and I was getting over someone as well as shes has been with one of my friends. She told me, the way she feels about me is different from her boyfriends and makes her want to be with me all the time and other umm…unmentionables.
Today was the first day of summer I didn’t spend in my corner out of sadness and only sleeping.
10 hours of full sleep for the first time. No 2 hours of sleep, or 30 mins, or not even sleeping at all anymore hopefully.
If I reach that 6 hour mark. I’ll be happy.
that is all.